Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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