I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
