Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize