i dedicated my morning wood to you.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
