Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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