i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
