Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
