I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Randomize
