It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
