Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
