We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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