drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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