My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Do vagina's smell?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
