Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
