Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
