You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize