His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
