Swine flu. Run for my life!
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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