Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
