Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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