Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
