Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
