We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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