I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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