The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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