just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
