Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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