I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
