He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize