I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
