we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
