You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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