Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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