she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
