What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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