Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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