after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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