I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize