Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
