if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
