Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
