if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
