normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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