I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
