You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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