Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
