I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize