M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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