you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she smelled like a LAN party
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
