I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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