I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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