I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
