Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
