I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
