I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
thus making me awesome and them whores
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
