no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
