she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
