so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
