Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
