I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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