i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
