You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
and you fell through a lawn chair
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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