I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
