So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
