You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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