i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
