I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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