I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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